white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
