someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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