He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
