I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
