Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
