The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
