Its about making memories worth repressing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
