he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
