the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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