she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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