maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize