I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is wine microwaveable?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
