Duck Duck Cougar?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Randomize
