he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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