We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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