There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
