Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
