I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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