I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
