We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
