I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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