just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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