Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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