God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
