I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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