Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
