Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
