I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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