dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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