i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
