At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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