i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
