Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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