okay pat passed out under dana's car
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
