Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize