Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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