really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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