how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
