Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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