She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
