mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
