Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
