is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
