i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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