We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
