could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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