would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
