I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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