Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
pop tarts are not kleenex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
