Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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