He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize