whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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