So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
