I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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