I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
