I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
