This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
