perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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