weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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