i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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