Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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