I accidentally burped into my bong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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