her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
