I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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