the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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