Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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