Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
