walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
