I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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