Michael Bay diarrhea
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
