I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
