im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
