3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
