glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
