I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Panties = found
Randomize
