margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
