Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
