bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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