I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
