i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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