Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
