i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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