I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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