She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
