all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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