i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
