I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
