I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need moral support for this bender
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
