i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
