and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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