My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
