The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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