Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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