We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
