Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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