We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
