Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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