i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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